Imponderables

Contributed by Judge Pablo M. Agustin (judspabs@yahoo.com)

Ponder on these imponderables for a minute:

1. In some countries, pictures of criminals are up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the post?

2. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

3. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. What hair colour do they put on the driver’ licences of bald men?

9. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

10. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

11. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

12. ‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?

13. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

14. No one ever says, ‘It’s only a game’ when their team is winning.

15. Ever wonder about those people who spend two pound a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.

16. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

17. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that 1 person enjoys it?

“If you want to see the rainbow you have to put up with the rain”

Help keep this blog alive!

In order to keep this blog alive , it is imperative that this blog must have daily updates so that IBP members will have something to read whenever they visit this site. Unfortunately, I can’t single-handedly make the daily write-ups with the heavy workload at the Public Attorney’s Office (and my after-office  baby sitting at home).

Needless to state, that shouldn’t be a big problem considering that lawyers are well-known masters of the spoken and written word (hehe).

All IBP Cagayan members are thus enjoined to make submissions to this blog site on any subject under the sun, (or even activities in the dark). Subjects may vary from a supremely earthshaking legal review, legal opinion,  treatise, or a social or political essay, or an emotionally tickling love story,  whatever.

E-mail your articles/submissions to ibpcagayan@yahoo.com or rhodericktagaruma@yahoo.com. Please indicate your name, address and IBP Roll No. The best submission will be bestowed with a royal title and a crown such as this:

On the other hand, any lawyer of the Chapter who will not make any contribution will be cursed and will look like this:

So, as the “in” phrase now goes, if you don’t want to look like boy ab*nda, submit your contributions asap!

IBP goes to Pagudpud

Fresh air, clear waters, colorful exotic fishes, a dreamy rumbling of the waves, and the sound of the laughter of lawyers and their families alike frolicking in the beach, what could be more priceless than that?

Last May 2008, lawyers of the IBP Cagayan Chapter, through the leadership of the Chapter President, Atty. Milagros Fernan Cayosa, packed up and took an excursion to Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte for two days and two nights. The trip proved to be one of the most enjoyable and memorable activities of the Chapter to date.

Escaping from the dreary and rote daily routine of practice, lawyers were able strengthen their relationships with their family and re-establish fraternal bond with their fellow practitioners. (More importantly, lawyers were able to have good fun with two straight days and nights of unrelenting poker and tong-its as well as showcase their undiscovered singing talents )

Swimming at the beach was so enjoyable lawyers couldn’t be stopped from swimming even at dusk.

The priceless smiles on the faces of the lawyers’ family members who joined the activity tells a story beyond words.

The experience of just gazing at the sunset at the beach was surreal it stirred a strong inspiration on your creative imagination and purified your soul. By nightfall, lawyers and their families camped out in tents under the dark, open skies, granting them the opportunity to stargaze with their families until they fell asleep.

Due to the overwhelming success of this IBP summer activity, the in-coming IBP officers, headed by Atty. Mila A. Lauigan, has spearheaded a sequel to the Pagudpud Trip on April or May, 2009.

The Chapter is currently doing a head count of members who will be joining in order for it to make the necessary preparations and reservations on the basis of the number of confirmed participants.

For Chapter members who are interested to join the activity, please contact Atty. Mila Lauigan at 0917-578-9768,  Atty. Rhoderick C. Tagaruma at 0927-516-6348, or Ms. Jacky Aglaua at (078) 844-1221, or send an e-mail to ibpcagayan@yahoo.com.

Here are more pictures for your viewing pleasure (or displeasure, hehe)

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“The more corrupt the state, the more laws.”
—- Publius Cornelius Tacitus

Lawyer Jokes

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested.

“Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.”

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A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, “Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me P15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me P10,000 to swing the case her way. In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning P5,000 to the defense.”

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Two duck hunters ran into one another early one morning. One of them noticed that the other’s dog was just sitting there, with no interest in retrieving any of the fowl his master downed.

The first hunter asked, “What’s wrong with your dog? The last time I saw you two he was one of the best bird dogs I’d ever seen!“

“Well,” the other hunter replied, “His name’s Lawyer. He used to run all over creation, working hard and getting the job done. Then one day someone made the mistake of calling him Judge, so now all he does is sit on his ass and bark.”

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Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?”

Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”

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A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.

“Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer.

“Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put ‘here lies an honest lawyer.”

“But that won’t let people know who it is,” protested the lawyer.

“Certainly will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim “That’s Strange!”

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An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Atty. dela Cruz, are you an ‘honest’ lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the applicant. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”

He squirmed in his seat and admitted, “My dad sued me for the money.”

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Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case.

“Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.”

“Okay, you first,” replied the other.

That was the end of the discussion.

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Lawyer: “Let me give you my honest opinion.”

Client: “No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.”

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What do lawyers do after they die?

They lie still.

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What do honest lawyers and UFO’s have in common?

You always hear about them, but you never see them.

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How can you tell a lawyer is lying?

Other lawyers look interested.

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One juror overheard saying to another…”You’ll notice that neither the prosecutor or defense attorney swore to tell the truth!”

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There’s an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts. One of them studies to become a lawyer, and the other decides to go straight.

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How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

Contempt Power

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Ms. Jones, do you know me?

“She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Ms. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him.” The defense attorney was also surprised and shocked.

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt!”

Walang lusot kay misis!

A Filipino couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although he was very much in love, couldn’t wait to go into town and party with his old buddies, so he said to his wife: “Maganda kong asawa, I’ll be right back….”

“Where are you going, guapo kong asawa….? asked the wife. “I’m going to the bar, Mahal. I’m going to have a beer.” The wife says to him, “You want a beer, lubs …?” Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries:

“Tignan mo nga yan state side pa, Germany, Holland, Japan, India…..”

The husband doesn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is: “Yes, puso ko…. but! the bar… you know….the frozen glass….” He didn’t finish the sentence , when the wife interrupts him by saying, “Ay nako, pa prozen-prozen glass pa.” She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale says: “Pero sa bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious….I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise, OK….?” “You want hors d’oeuvres, swithart…?” She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps etc.

“But LUBS naman…..at the bar….you know….the swearing….the dirty words and all that….”

“You want dirty words, huwag kang mag-alala kaya kong magbastos…..

“HERE, INUMIN MO NA ITONG PUTANG INANG BEER NA NASA PROZEN KUP ATCHAKA KAININ MO NA ITONG PUTARAGIS NA ORDERBS. AKALA MO MAKAKALABAS KA SA BAHAY . HAYOP KA!!!!!”

Lauigan is the 20th IBP Prexy

Atty. Mila Lauigan

Atty. Jonathan Baligod

Atty. Mila Perpetua Catabay A. Lauigan joins the prestigious roll of IBP Chapter Presidents upon her assumption as the 20th IBP Cagayan Chapter President on April 1, 2009.  Atty. Lauigan triumphed over Atty. Jonathan Baligod, incumbent Vice President of the Chapter, by only 18 votes.

Lawyers from all corners of the Province poured in in the sizzling chapter election conducted on February 28, 2009, setting a record-breaking attendance in the history of the Chapter elections. Unfortunately, a sizeable number of members were declared to be ineligible to vote due to their failure to pay their annual dues before February 4, 2009, the cut-off date set in the IBP By-laws.

The IBP election was highlighted by a display of the true spirit of comity and sportsmanship when Atty. Baligod conceded immediately even without finishing the counting of votes, eliciting the appreciation and adulation of lawyers in attendance.

The following were also elected as Chapter Officers and members of the Board of Directors:

• Vice President: Hon. Orlando D. Beltran
• Secretary: Atty. Alona D. Gazmen
• Treasurer: Atty. Rhoderick C. Tagaruma
• Auditor: Atty. Jessibel Jacildo

Board of Directors:

• Atty. Redentor Sac
• Atty. Windell Urdas
• Atty. Rolando Acacio
• Atty. Glen Macabbabbad
• Atty. Ronald Brillantes

The out-going President, Atty. Milagros Fernan-Cayosa, is an ex-officio member of the Board of Directors.

Atty. Lauigan, as the 20th President of the IBP Cagayan Chapter, will be joining the ranks of distinguished and prominent lawyers who have headed the chapter, such as: Jose P. Carag, ( 1973-1975); Hilarion L. Aquino ( 1975-1977); Nicolas B. Aquino (1977-1979); Leoncio M. Puzon (1979-1981, 1985-1987); Ernando A. Pascua (1981-1983) Teodoro B. Mallonga (1983-1985); Antonio N. Laggui (1987-1988); Florentino C. Abadilla (1988-1989); Justiniano P. Cortez (1989-1991); Marivic A. Cacatian-Beltran (1991-1993); Edwin V. Pascua (1994-1995); Domingo Egon Q. Cayosa (1995-1997); Carmelo Z. Lasam (1997-1999); Alvaro T. Antonio (1999-2001); Raymond Reynold R. Lauigan (2002-2003); Jezarene Aquino (2003 – 2005); Reynaldo Deray (2005 – 2007) and Milagros Cayosa (2007–2009).